From birth until the age of 3, The Kindergartner was a whole lot of fun. While the years between his 3rd birthday and his 5th birthday were filled with fun, they also had an abundance of drama and attitude and a whole lot of other things that shall go unmentioned as I am still desperately trying to recover from the damage they inflicted. Shortly after his 5th birthday, The Kindergartner turned a corner, and I went from not just loving him to actually liking him again. Slowly, but surely, his little attitude started to adjust itself, the drama limited itself to special occasions and every-other-Tuesday (or a schedule far more limited than the continuous loop that it was playing on), and he remembered that you don't mess with Mommy unless you are willing to pay the consequences. Ahem.
And now he is 6.
I remember looking back at the first 12 months of his life shortly after his 1st birthday and marveling at how much he had grown and developed and learned and changed - it seemed impossible that anything he did from there on out could ever eclipse the sheer volume of stuff that the first year brought. And yet? This past year did that - about 10 times over.
The biggest contributor to this was undoubtedly kindergarten, which he is now only 6 short weeks from completing. To say that it has been an adventure (both for him and for me) would be like saying The Superbowl is 'just a football game'. Reading, writing, adding, subtracting . . . I seriously had no idea that kindergarten was so, well, academic. Don't get me wrong - I love all the knowledge the kid is spouting off left and right, it just breaks my heart a teeny, tiny bit to know that he doesn't get the endless amounts of playtime and the quiet reprieve of naptime like had when I was his age. Rigors aside, The Kindergartner LOVES going to school and adores his teacher and most all of his classmates, happily oblivious to the fact that he isn't always at the top of their list of favorites.
In the past I have written about the concern that The Kindergartner shows some characteristics of ADHD, and while in preschool he had his issues, in kindergarten, those issues are actually problems. While he falls in the completely average range academically, socially and behaviorally he is struggling, with his teacher reporting that he is fidgety, easily distracted, has a difficult time following directions, and sometimes disruptive. Being that he is only 6 (a relatively young age to be formally diagnosed), his teacher and the school are using intervention and accommodation to help limit some of the the problems he is having in the classroom, buying us a little time before being faced with the possibility of formal testing and/or medication. While I certainly don't want him to struggle academically, my bigger concern is the effect that his behavior has on his relationships with his peers.
I could write paragraph after paragraph on this one, but let my just summarize by saying: even at the tender age of 5 and 6 years, kids are smart enough to know that they don't want to sit with or play with the kid who is constantly in trouble because he just can't keep it all together. I cannot even tell you how thankful I am that he is so happy-go-lucky and content just doing his own thing that it hardly (if ever) bothers him, and how many pieces my heart breaks into when I think about the fact that the day when this isn't the case is coming sooner, rather than later. It isn't that I want him to be the popular kid that everyone wants to hang out with - it's that I want him to have a friend (or two or three) who accept him completely for who he is, and understand that there are some things that are just out of his control. (In discussing all of this with his pediatrician, she acknowledged that medication is sometimes indicated for kids who need a little help managing the social ramifications of ADHD and the depression and anxiety that they sometimes develop, and while I totally understand that based on my own experiences with depression, it breaks my heart into even smaller pieces to think that he may one day follow in my own footsteps and need a pill to make things 'right'.)
Despite all of my worries and concerns, I cannot help but smile from ear-to-ear when I think of where the road leads from here, because I know that he is going to navigate it in his own special, crazy way, complete with his trademark goofy grin and winsome ways. I can't wait!
5 comments:
I know what you mean about having him fit in with his peers. Mags is the youngest in her class and at times I wonder if she has the maturity level of her peers. Some of them seem to want to brush her off and seem way ahead of her. I am amazed at all of the "academics" she has taken in though and her teachers seem to think she is on the right track.
I hope the ADHD can be worked through, who knows maybe he'll grow out of it, since he is still young. Or find some more techniques to deal with it.
Oh boy, why do I have the sneaking suspicion that I could be writing a similar post in a couple years? Do you read JCK at Motherscribe? Her son has similar issues, and his school seems to have very innovative ways of working with him. She would be a great resource for you. The good news right now is that he loves school. That tells me that things aren't so bad.
I think he is an inspiration - and you're such a wonderful mom to celebrate him and teach him that he is wonderful for who he is. Yay, little man!
I am so glad that you simply go with it when it comes to your kids. What they need, you just deal with. THAT is a great example.
The best quote that I've seen lately is that a diganosis like ADHD is just PART of who a child is - like 10% of their whole make-up. It doesn't have to define all of them...just a little bit. That sort of puts it in perspective, maybe? He's a great kid. Enjoy the ride!
There is nothing worse for a mother than the pain felt by her child...whether real pain or potentil pain.
He is a trooper and his personality is shielding him from any suffering now. He may just be that kid who doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks and avoid all kinds of bullshit. Oh, to be so blessed...I hope he keeps that throughout and does manage to avoid it all.
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